My Name is Kris and I Blah-g

Thousands of Utahns are feeling the effects of PTSS tonight. I am not among them although I admit that I was a little nervous for our local-boy David Archuleta today. It’s kinda like when your team makes it to the super bowl and they get this close and they end up losing anyway. Last time I felt like this the Titans were playing the Rams in the super bowl and Dyson was within inches of scoring the winning touchdown – his hand outstretched for the goalline. It was heartbreaking. I am not as heartbroken tonight as I was then. The cinderella season for the Titans was purely magical and they were destined to go to the super bowl and win it. Frankly, they were robbed and the Rams are a bunch of whiney butts..but I digress. Tonight David Archuleta did not win the coveted title of American Idol and that’s ok because he got the exposure he needs to become a superstar and the rest is up to him. He has the freedom to persue his dream should he choose to and the great thing about it is that he’s young and he’s got time to cultivate his talent. He’ll be A-OK.My beef with the outcome tonight was the blatant back-peddling by Simon Cowell prior to the results being delivered. He had made the media circuit earlier in the week telling not only Oprah, but Leno and Ellen that he thought Cook should and will win. Then on D-Day he rightfully praised Archuleta for his outstanding performances and then criticized Cook for his. Tonight he said he went home and re-watched the show and apologized to Cook for being hard on him and how he didn’t deserve it. Frankly, I didn’t think Cowell was that hard on Cook. His criticism was fairly benign and justified. Cook didn’t deliver stellar performances last night and he knew it. What won it for him were his past performances and the undeniable voting stamina of the Cookie followers. Kudos for them because they put their guy on top – by A LOT. It’s do or die for Cook anyway because by many standards he not getting any younger. The time is now. But Cowell makes these predictions every year and every year he right on. He was either sensing an “upset” or he was in the know about the results ahead of time. He needed to save face because heaven forbid that Simon is ever wrong. He lost tons of respect from me tonight. I am usually a big Simon supporter. I agree with most of what he says. He’s obnoxious but he knows his stuff and he’s not afraid to say what he thinks. But tonight was about as self-serving as you can get and it was shameful. He would have done a lot better had he just sucked it up and accepted the fact that he created the David Cook monster anyway by heaping praise on the guy during the competition and building him up for the past month in the press. The outcome was exactly what he professed to have wanted and it’s apparently what the producers wanted as well. Goodie for them.On a whole, the finale was entertaining. I had a good time watching it. I loved seeing Cook perform with the Amish rockband ZZ Top. That was most excellent. I enjoyed the Guitar Hero commercials with Archuleta and Cook dancing in their underwear – most funny and bound to be replayed on YouTube by every girl in America. I thought the shameless plugs for the Love Guru and that Ben Stiller movie starring Jack Black and Robert Downey Jr as a black guy were hilarious. I’m disappointed that they had to get all PC and give the boys hybrids. They both deserved Mustangs. My advice for Archie - let the folks drive the Escape and get yourself a FUN CAR with your first $million and preferrably not a Ford because they pretty much suck. I suggest a chili pepper red Mini Cooper because they’re awesome. Tonight we saw way too much of David Hernandez. Frankly, I am glad he won’t be on the tour. I look forward to more of Chikeze and Michael Johns. I thought Amanda Overmyer was about to lose her crap by singing those cheesey songs and dancing those freaky dances. She was so out of her element and she looked like she was being tortured. What was up with Randy’s Kaptain Kangaroo jacket? That was some bad fashion there. Paula’s dress was pretty from the waist down. She was having some interesting issues up top. I’m sure Simon loved it. I could have done without seeing George Michael. I can’t get the image out of my head that he was probably hanging out in a park prior to show time. He really is sleazy and he looks terrible. He didn’t sound much better either. I wasn’t too stoked about Donna Summer because well, it’s Donna Summer but the girls got to sing with her which is kinda cool and I got to see Amanda sing disco which really probably made her rethink her last career as maybe one she may want to stick with. I mean, seriously? Amanda sing disco? Priceless. Carrie Underwood looked great. It was nice that she waxed prior to the show otherwise we could have had a scandal. Her song was kinda weird – not one of her best but she rocked it like the star that she is. We got to see last year’s Idol, Jordin Sparks. Not much to say there. She’s tall. Why is she wearing 5″ spiked heels? I noticed that Ryan didn’t dare stand next to her. The Jonas Brothers sang. Or did they?  Bryan Adams is still alive and some guy on a piano sang a song I don’t know with David Archuleta. The rest of the night was mostly commercials and seeing past idols. I missed seeing David Hasselhoff cry. That would have been fun seeing again. Anyway, the season is over and it’s time to get back to our Idol-free lives. Be sure to catch my countdown to next season to the right.