My Name is Kris and I Blah-g

Upon reviewing my blog stats I learned that the most popular post seems to be about Kung Fu Panda… Wow. I am so uninteresting. Well, my previous most popular post was about how old the stars of The Princess Bride have become. I had to disable the picture in that post because I was getting annoyed by all the traffic. I am not sure what I’ll do with Kung Fu Panda. Anyway, it’s weird that what drives folks here is that. But whatever…Yesterday, I blogged about listening to our song – the one that Mike picked out for us nearly 13 years ago. It was a bittersweet moment and I feel like I weathered the moment well. My mom on the other hand was sad to read my post and told me last night how sorry she was that I had had a sad day. Thanks, Mom. But it really wasn’t that sad. I do admit that I go through funks frequently. I have read about this new life I have as a widow. There are peaks and valleys (mostly valleys) that I will experience. It’s exhausting. I have done a lot of thinking this week as I passed the 7 month mark and have decided that although I will have moments of sadness for the rest of my life I have just got to stop making that sadness a focal point of my existance. I am just tired of being sad. I am tired of thinking about that day. I don’t want my thoughts consumed by what is just a small moment of my time with my husband. Listening to that song yesterday reminded me of how great things where. Memories that I haven’t had for a while flooded back. I remember the night he had me listen to that song the first time. I remember engraving our wedding rings with its title and I remember Mike cuing the song to begin the moment that we were pronounced husband and wife. Those are some dang good memories and I love thinking about them because I realize that despite all the pain and all the junk that built up in the past couple of years leading up to this moment, Mike loved me. He loved our family and he’s waiting for us – no matter how long it takes. And that makes me feel good. I look forward to the reunion. Although I hope it’s not for a very long time. Because… I have some living to do.With that being said, I have decided to set some August resolutions for myself:

1. Stop being a poop
2. Take the moments I need to for sadness but give my self limited time to be sad. I will replace those moments by remembering the good ones – and there were many.
3. Date night – have it, at least weekly. This one is tricky. This is something I wanted to do with Mike for as long as I can remember and despite my efforts to start it or hint to him that we should make it a habit, it never happened. No more. From here on out, I will have a date night with… my daughter. Tonight we’re painting the town red – probably end up at Claires buying earrings that look like ice cream cones.
4. Take time for fun. Are you sensing a theme? Michaela had it right. When we had Mike’s funeral she told most of us that we could be sad at the funeral but once it was over, we had to stop. She was going to throw a party and there was no sadness allowed. We had the party and honestly, it was a blast. Who would have thought? What a kid! She’s brilliant. I’m taking her to Disneyland, doggonit.
5. Get out of my rut… Every day is the same. 5:30 – wake up. 6:30 – wake Michaela up and feed her breakfast and pack my lunch. 6:40 – leave for work. 7:00 – 4:00 sit at work and sneak a time to blog (ha ha). 4:00-4:30 drive home. 4:30 – bedtime sit at home and surf the internet, or watch TV or go to Walmart and wander around. This is my life every day. Not fun. I resolve to do something different each day. This one will be a tough one!

Anyway, this is a start… I am trying to be positive and I am eager to see the difference. Life is too short, folks. It’s true. It can all end at any time. You just never know.