My Name is Kris and I Blah-g

Yesterday was my 11th wedding anniversary. This is probably the first BIG moment without Mike I’ve had to experience (with the exception of Michaela’s birthday). And it went ok! First, I wasn’t home dwelling on the whole “he’s not here to share it with me” thing. My family spirited me and Michaela away to Jackson Hole, WY for the weekend and it was really great to get away. Secondly, since I knew I wouldn’t be here on the actual anniversary day, I made sure that before I left town, I went to the cemetary. I dropped Michaela off at school on Friday morning and ventured over to Mike’s grave with a handful of flowers. I sat there for a while and had a good cry. I was just sad that this would be the first of many anniversaries that I’d spend alone. I was sad that he was gone. I was sad because I missed him. But I felt a change come over me a little bit. As all that sadness just seeped from me in the form of tears, I was starting to feel some peace. I don’ t know if it’s a fleeting thing but as much dispair as I was feeling at that moment in the cemetary, yesterday amongst the towering Teton mountains and in the company of my family, I didn’t feel quite that bad. When I thought about the meaning of that day, I was recollecting on our wedding with great fondness and how despite all the heartache that’s been mine for the past 9 months, I would do it ALL over again. It was worth it – if only I had him for a short time.So last evening as the sun was setting, I was alone by the Snake River trying to catch a fish. The family waited nearby patiently endulging me as I cast and recast my line out into the water for what seemed like hours. And as my anniversary was drawing to a close I found myself muttering quietly, “Ok, Mike.. You’ve got to give me something as an anniversary gift. Show me how much you love me and put a fish on my hook. I’m going to cast this thing out 3 more times and I am calling it a day…” I cast my line out once… reeled it in… NOTHING. Cast it out a 2nd time…start reeling it in… Just as I think it’s hopeless, I got a BITE!! I start reeling faster and I’m laughing like a lunatic because I just can’t believe what is happening! Really, WHO can will a fish to bite their hook? I am sure if anyone was within earshot they’d think I was totally nuts. The fish was getting closer and I could see it thrashing about and rolling. Its belly broke through the surface and I yanked quickly and like that it was gone. “Aw, c’mon!” I laughed. What a tease… That was the first time I ever had one get away… thinking back on that, there is a lot of irony lost in there. But I will say that I was pretty excited and I was pretty exhilarated to feel as if Mike had something to do with what just happened. I will remember this anniversary for a long time. Happy 11th, darlin’…