One Year
I have given this day a lot of thought the past couple of months. Today marks the last of my “firsts”. And in all honesty, there is nothing I can say today that I haven’t already said. My sister asked me how I was doing. I am fine. I am the same today as I was yesterday – my first thoughts of the day are of Mike as are my last. If you have ever seen Groundhogs Day, then you get an idea of what it’s like to be a new widow. You relive every moment from the time you find out your spouse is gone over and over. Each time the sting of this reality gets to be a little less but then occasionally the grief socks you in the gut as a not so gentle reminder that your life is not going to be what it once was – EVER. And yeah, that part sucks A LOT. But what can I do? I can’t change the outcome. I can wallow some more and feel sorry for myself or I can try to live and hope happiness follows. And I think it will… Debbie says to expect to hear “how are you doing?” a lot today. I told her not to ask it. She asked it once and that’s all that is needed. I am OK. Not great. Not bad. I’m reflective and sad but hopeful. My one year freak out is over. Tomorrow, I’ll start anew (crossing fingers).Enjoy the photo above. It is one of my favorite pictures of Mike and definitely a wonderful memory.
January 4th, 2009 at 8:45 pm
(((Hugs))) One year was the most painful day for me and I just went through it 2 1/2 weeks ago. It’ so hard to believe that much time has passed because you do keep coming back to the same day over and over again. Thinking of you.
January 8th, 2009 at 12:20 am
Awh, hugs to you. For me my one year mark was hard, everyone wanted to be with my children and I.. while I thought, “Why? Where have you been all year?” I was pissed and like you did not want people asking me how I was.You are strong to have survived your first year of firsts, cause it is NOT easy.Sending you continued strength.Melodyhttp://web.me.com/melodycharlie/My_Life/Welcome.html