My Name is Kris and I Blah-g

My niece Aubree called last night to let us all know that she has been called to serve in the Tampa, Florida spanish speaking mission. The family has been on pins and needles for weeks as Aubree has finalized her paperwork. The call actually came in record time – less than 2 weeks, I think. To her credit, she vowed to wait until her entire family was around when she opened the envelope. The envelope arrived Wednesday but with her Dad out of town, she held on to it and waited until he could be with her when the news was read. I, myself don’t know if I could have waited like she did. But I understand better now why she did. And I am sure my brother, her dad appreciates her willingness to allow him to be part of this part of her life. Jeff blogged about this experience and this morning I found myself feeling like I had been there in person, too.It’s funny how much I have pleaded in silent prayers to my Heavenly Father for confirmation about things, whether it be decisions I have to make or if something is right or wrong. These confirmations that I receive are subtle. And I have to be receptive to them in order to accept them as messages from the Lord. Often times, the answers I receive are not what I would expect. The past year I have had my doubts. I have found myself in dark places and amidst all the sadness I had often asked many questions. My burdens have been made easier to bear when I have received light and moments that have touched my heart. Such a moment was last night upon hearing this wonderful news but also this morning reading the thoughts of my big brother who is seeing his eldest daughter off on a wonderful adventure. As you get older, you can see things differently and although Aubree is sensing the magnitude of her decisions, she probably won’t know what this feels like for the rest of us who have watched her grow from a little girl to the beautiful young woman that she is now. She won’t know until she is either a parent of her own or until she sees her littlest of siblings make life changing decisions for themselves. The time will come. It’s bitter and sweet to see the time pass. I feel so old but wonderful all at the same time that these types of things come to pass to remind us how life is worth living and experiencing to its fullest. To my surprise, this morning the tears came but this time with happiness. I could just see in my mind Aubree’s face as she read the news – the look in the eyes of my brother and his wife as they witnessed their daughter’s moment – the wonder that must have beheld her younger brother and sisters as they realized that in a little over a month their big sister would get to set off on a life changing event. They won’t see her for 18 months and that’s a long time for little ones. But it will pass quickly for Aubree. I am so excited for her. I had to chuckle when in my brother’s posting, he noted the reaction of his youngest to Aubree’s news. Emma, his baby, is almost 7. In fact she’ll turn 7 a day or so before Aubree reports to the MTC. She’s 4 months older than Michaela. Her take on this was much different than Michaela. After the announcement was made, it was soon discovered that Emma had gone off to be alone to cry. This announcement is huge for Emma. Her big sister is leaving. She will be learning a different language and to Emma’s despair, she worried that when Aubree would come back, she’d only want to speak Spanish and how could she speak with her sister if she couldn’t understand her? Worst of all, she’d miss her big sister. It must have been difficult for Jeff and Sandy to see that. Michaela, on the other hand… I told her Aubree was going to Tampa, Florida and her reaction was “She’ll get to go on the Rockin’ Roller Coaster!!!” To a 6 year old, the comprehension of Florida’s size is no matter. Florida means Disney World and Aubree gets to go there. She’s so lucky. I had to laugh about this but in retrospect, it’s just another reminder that Michaela isn’t going to experience family life like her cousin who has 6 other siblings will. They’re so alike in many ways but their experiences are so different. What is harsh news for one, is benign news for the other. I can’t imagine not having brothers or sisters. I don’t think Michaela recognizes yet the difference her upbringing will be. Reading about Emma’s reaction flooded my mind with memories of when I said goodbye to her Dad when he left on his mission. I was probably about 11 years old but I remember the hug I gave him at the airport that day. I remember gripping him around the neck knowing that I wasn’t going to see my big brother for 2 years. Things would be so different when he got back. I was scared for where he was going. I was wondering if he’d miss me. I was wondering if I’d get to see him again. That was a long time ago but I remember those feelings so well. I know exactly what Emma is feeling. So, life is moving on… I just need to catch up to it.