My Name is Kris and I Blah-g

So, I bit the bullet and decided to join a gym. Having worked out consistently for the past 4 months, I figured it was time. Besides, I was getting tired of dodging the old people a the mall. I was also wondering if just doing the walking thing was enough. I had proved that I could keep with it and since I am *THIS* close to breaking the 30 pound mark, I figured I had the incentive and perhaps varying the workout I was doing would be enough to jolt the ol’ body into giving up some more of the weight.I had been checking out the ellipticals and thought it would be “fun” to try them out. I already know that I don’t like treadmills. I own one. It’s collecting dust in the garage. If I am going to walk, I had better be going somewhere. I dunno. I’m weird that way. So while my sister decided to stick to the treadmill, I hopped on the elliptical ready for some “fun”. First, to use an elliptical you must be coordinated. Your arms swing back and forth and your legs do this kinda running, climbing thing. It was a weird combination for me and it quickly got out of hand. In minutes I was gasping for air. I was clearly doing something wrong and it felt like all eyes were on me. What is that bozo doing on the elliptical? Somebody get her off of there before she hurts herself or worse, hurts one of us! That was the longest 5 minutes ever. I managed to stop the thing and nearly spilled out on to the floor – my legs were like jelly and I was sure I was walking like a drunk. I am clearly NOT READY for the elliptical.I headed to the stationary bikes and picked out one. Let’s just say it now. I am a novice with the whole gym thing. I figured what damage could I do on a bike that doesn’t move? Plenty. First I didn’t know how to turn it on. The older lady next to me kindly told me to just start peddling. Of course. Thank you. About 10 minutes into it I was starting to get really tired of my knees hitting the handlebars and I was still feeling the effects of the elliptical. I had gasped any moisture from my throat while I was on the thing that I was now in a fit of coughing and it was all I could do to not drink the whole bottle of water that I had with me. I was sure that my exercising neighbor (that kind lady who thinks I am a total moron) was thinking that I was ill. But she took pity on me. She pointed to the lever under my seat and told me to move it back. Thanks to her, I think I may have spared my knees any bruising. The coughing, however I couldn’t control. It continued for the entire 25 minutes I was on the bike. I figured I had tortured the lady long enough and decided to move on.::: Cue the Jaws music :::Next up was a little weight training. I swigged back some water and stared at a couple machines to figure out what to do next. I bypassed the pull up machine because lets face it, I had already made a fool of myself enough today. I opted for the weight machine that would work the arms. My arms definitely need it. With the nearly 30 pounds lost, I have discovered that I am developing wings. I could take flight at any moment people! It took a few reps to find a weight that was good for me – basically the weight of the handle bars and nothing more. A few reps later and then I was on the abdominal machine. All I can say about that is that I know I looked as stupid as I felt doing it. There is surely no way that machine helped anything. By this time I had been at the gym nearly an hour. I was ready to call it a day.Elliptical Machine = 1Kris = 0Maybe I should stick to walking…