My Name is Kris and I Blah-g

Hey there. Remember me? I have not posted in what?…almost 2 months? A lot has happened. My last post probably sounded kinda scary. At the time it WAS scary. It’s been a roller coaster ride since the middle of May. I was thinking about that today about how when this drama with Mom’s health began we were still getting snow. In fact, it snowed when she was in the hospital the 1st time!A quick update….Mom initially went to the hospital on May 19th. She had lost use of her left side and we had thought it was a stroke. The doctors diagnosed her with Lactic Acidosis and pumped her full of fluids. When she had been there 7 days they told her she could no longer stay (thank you Medicare… grrrr!) so she was released to a rehab facility to recover. Nevermind that she wasn’t anywhere near better and the ineptitude of the staff at said hospital had made it so mom developed a serious bed sore (more on that later). 8 Days after her admission to rehab I found her slumped over and shaking and just totally wigged out. I can’t think of a better word other than to say she was messed up bad. We were told we were overreacting by rehab staff but insisted that her blood be taken and results sent to her doctor. Her doctor called and urged us to take her to the ER ASAP. So, off to the ER but this time at a different hospital where she was admitted for another week. The doctors took her off all the meds that the previous hospital had given her aghast as to WHY they would put her on drugs that would kill her. Yeah…NICE. And to top it off, her bed sore was gigantic AND the fluids she was given in the 1st hospital had made her balloon to an unspeakable size. Another week in the hospital and she was released. This time she came home. She started to make progress and within a week had lost almost 100 pounds of water weight. Yes, that is ONE HUNDRED POUNDS! She was progressing well but then after yet another week, she started to act strangely again, bumping into things and couldn’t for the life of her use a fork when she ate. Not good. My sister and I insisted on another ER visit.. Back to the hospital….and learned that mom had suffered from not one but at least TWO strokes. Things did not look good. That’s where I left things in my last post.I would leave the hospital in tears. Mom wasn’t mom anymore and we were helpless unsure what to do. Again her week in the hospital was coming to an end before medicare would kick her out and we had to figure out where to take her. We traveled all over the valley looking for a facility that was not only covered by medicare but specialized with stroke victims. Guess what? THERE ISN”T ONE! Every single one was old…cared for crazy people (literally) and in one, it was over-run with animals. They called them therapy animals but let’s get real. It was a zoo. As cool as Theodore the therapy kangaroo sounded, it was not a good fit for Mom. So we brought her home. And since then we have had her here. My sister and I tag team her care and I am proud to say that after diligently changing her dressings each day, her bed sore is FINALLY getting smaller and maybe by Christmas she won’t have it anymore. I’m serious. Those things are nasty. It’s bad enough that she had to endure what she did but to be left with this terrible wound is awful.The good news….Mom is doing FANTASTIC. All things considered when she left the hospital she couldn’t even form a sentence. She could only say one or two words and she couldn’t see. Mom is back. She is strong and she is recovering. I am so grateful. It’s been hard. I won’t lie. I have moved my office to the family room that mom calls home. She still can’t climb lots of stairs yet so her bedroom is off limits.Last week was Mom & Dad’s 50th anniversary party that we had been planning for a year. Mom had been facing it with a lot of doubt and fear. She didn’t want so many people to see her this way but she bravely attended her party and it was probably the best thing that she could have done. She had SO much fun! The 150 or so friends and family that attended were so gracious and kind and she just had a ball. Her outlook and demeanor is so much better now!Last week my sister also started a new job. That means that during the day I am here alone with Mom. This will provide new challenges when school starts for Michaela in a few weeks because we will have to totally readjust our schedules and Mom will again be faced with having to spend some time alone while I tend to Michaela’s needs. I will say that this isn’t the life I had planned – really who ever gets what they want? 2.5 years ago I said goodbye to a life abruptly when Mike died. I lost my husband, lost my home and had to sell nearly everything I owned. I have learned to just roll with the punches. Life throws things at you. What can you do? I mean, I still freak out and stuff but I have found that it’s easier now to just take a step back and let the chips fall where they may. What else could I do?So what does all this have to do with the banner above about a Happy Birthday-versary? Well, I have made a decision to celebrate things differently this year. December 2nd represents two significant events in my life. First, it’s the day I was born. 2nd, in 2003, Mike and I chose that day to go to the temple and be married again. We decided that this particular anniversary would remain something sacred. We would acknowledge it in a reverent way each year. Mike didn’t want to take away from my birthday celebrations each year and most of all, this ceremony was more intimate and personal. It was about our family and our belief in being together FOREVER.In hindsight, this was the most special of birthday gifts. I knew it was special then but now that he’s gone and how easy it would be for me to fall into a faithless depression, it holds more significant meaning. When your spouse is taken from you so suddenly, it feels like abandonment. You really start to question what you believe. And the conclusion that I have come to is that it has to be true. It has to be because it is what will help me in keeping on. I don’t know how long I will be here…but I AM HERE. I have a life to keep living. I have a daughter to raise. And I have to believe that one day when it’s my time to leave this world, I will do so holding the outstretched hand of my husband who went before me. December 2nd is an important day.An opportunity has presented itself for me to go to California on December 4th to participate in a Habitat for Humanity project along side some actors from General Hospital. Yes, it is a little self-indulgent for me to schmooze with actors but on the flip side, it’s a legitimate charity and it’s for a young family in genuine need. So, that’s what I am going to do for myself on my birthday this year and it will be how I recognize the commitment Mike and I made to each other 7 years ago.So, Happy Birthday-versary to me!