My Name is Kris and I Blah-g

The gamut of emotions are all over the place these days. A lot has happened of the course of the past couple of weeks. Mom entered the hospital 2 weeks ago quite sick – VERY sick. It was scary. She’s not totally out of the woods yet but at least she has gotten better and at least she is more like herself now. She remains in a rehab facility working through her weakness issue and trying to get enough strength to come home. I don’t know when that will be. I am grateful that she is in a facility closer to home and even more grateful that she has taken the bull by the horns and is giving a sincere effort to improve. This would have been a lot harder if she had just given up. But she hasn’t. I know it’s hard on her but I am proud of her for the bravery that she is showing.Yesterday I learned that the hard drive issue that I mentioned in my blog a couple weeks ago was not going to be resolved in a positive way. The company that I sent the drives to could not recover a single file. The good news is that I won’t have to pay $2400. The bad news is that I lost pretty much all of my photos from the past 15 years. I do have access to a small fraction of them because I had pulled some of them for a project two here and there. But the majority are lost forever – wedding pix, birth photos, birthdays, vacations…Michaela’s whole life has been documented with digital photos. The thought of this loss makes me sick to my stomach. I feel like in some ways I mourn even deeper now because now it’s all just memories. In many ways I feel like I have let Mike down by letting this happen – especially with his music collection. He spent so much time digitizing all of it. I no longer own the CDs. His whole music collection is GONE. Devastating doesn’t even remotely describe how it feels.So, as Michaela would say “Isn’t there any GOOD news to talk about?” Yeah…there is. The ray of sunshine in all this doom and gloom is her. Michaela just graduated from the 2nd grade. She had a very good year! It ended on such a high for her and I am so happy that she got to experience what she did. When Mike died I felt an even bigger responsibility. I am not sure why it should be even more important than before but it’s just how I feel. I had made a promise to myself when this happened that I would do what I could to give Michaela experiences. I am happy to say that in the past 2 years she has been able to go to many places, see many things and meet different people. I am not sure if that resonates with her but I suppose later on it will. One of her most recent experiences was our trip to Washington DC.This is a place that for many 7 year olds may not be all that exciting. But it did leave an impact. She was able to tour the White House, see George Washington’s farm, see all of the monuments and museums and visit the capitol and one of our Congressmen. In doing so, the Congressman offered to come visit her school. Of course when these things happen, the likelihood of follow through is small. But it couldn’t have worked out better. We returned from our trip hopeful that Congressman Matheson would actually be able to visit the school. I told the school of the possibility and within a day the congressman’s office was calling the school to set up the meeting. A couple weeks ago I gave a presentation to Michaela’s class about American Ingenuity. I told them that many great things were developed in America – from the chocolate chip cookie, to flying the first airplane, to the creation of Disneyland to the very foundation of our government. It was an interesting segue but it worked. The kids were intrigued and it offered a good preview into the Congressman’s visit. To top it off, Michaela was asked to introduce Congressman Matheson at the lower school assembly on June 1st. She did fantastic! And I am really proud of her. It isn’t easy getting up and talking in front of people but she did it in front of all of the K-5th grade students. I am guessing that was about 400+ people. She did it mostly memorized too. I knew she could do it but I think even the school administrators and the Congressman, himself was impressed. I don’t think words can adequately express the depth of pride I felt in watching her do this. It was AWESOME.The rest of the assembly went great. I was happy that the Congressman didn’t turn it into this boring thing for the kids. He briefly introduced himself and explained what he did and then let the rest of the assembly be a time for the kids to ask him questions. The questions were hilarious. They ran the gamut of what is his favorite place to visit in Washington DC, to what he thought of Obama’s healthcare bill, to how much the president weighs (he doesn’t know), to whether or not he likes cheese. He got participation from all of the kids – even the little ones and it was a wonderful experience. All I can say is he ain’t bad for a democrat. LOL. Check out the introduction here:

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So, yeah….there IS good news to report. The other good news, in case you were curious is that despite the stress of the past few weeks, the lack of exercise and eating crap, I haven’t gained anything…the loss is minimal but at least I still fit into my new jeans. Yay!

I. AM. AN. EMOTIONAL. EATER.I am sitting here scarfing an apple crumb muffin from Costco. Yes one of those huge ones. I just finished off a cheese quesadilla. I feel a surge of guilt swelling in the pit of my stomach and I. DON’T. CARE. I don’t care because I just came from touring a rehab facility that will become my mother’s home for the next couple of weeks. It was old. It smelled funny. The old people in it could barely move. Their emotionless faces stared back at me as I stood there thinking that I could not let my mother live there.  Yet she must if she is to get better. Sure there are more “resort like” places we could send her to but then she’ll be ignored there as what the reviews and ratings are saying. This place that she will go to comes highly rated despite appearances. And it is quickly becoming a bitter pill to swallow.Last week Mom lost function of the left side of her body. Unable to get herself to the bathroom, let alone move, there was no other choice than to call 911 to help get her to the hospital. For the past week she has battled Lactic Acidosis, a urinary tract infection, a kidney infection and some other unnamed infection that she picked up from the hospital. Massive doses of antibiotics, several blood transfusions and scores of pills later, internally her numbers are under control and she is getting back to health. Yet her left side remains weak – crippled by arthritis and gout. Her pain is substantial. She cries out whenever anyone tries to move her. She wants to come home. I want her to come home. We all do. But she can’t. Not like this.The prognosis is that the vertebrae in her cervical spine has deteriorated to the point that it’s compromised her spinal cord. Left untreated she could face a future of paralysis. Surgery scares her. It scares me. But it’s the only way she can find relief. But she can’t have it until she’s stronger. And she can’t get stronger until she has it. What is she to do? In addition to these decisions that she faces, she is feeling a sense of rejection. Her only source of healthcare is Medicare. Medicare has strict rules and according to hospital administrators she has overstayed her welcome. She must leave, they tell her. She can’t stay there. Yesterday she was moved from the 1st floor to the 3rd floor – a not so subtle way of saying, if you don’t get out, we’ll neglect you until you leave. The difference in attention she has received in the past 16 hours is palpable. So we are working hard to get her out as soon as possible.The next stop isn’t much better. We anticipate her spirits lowering further when she gets an eyeful of these new digs. We’ll do all we can to make sure she keeps motivated to get out. She must. We want her there even less than she’ll want to be there. I guess that I may as well get used to the place myself. I plan on spending lots of time there – I may even move in. Just so she knows that she’s not in this alone.In the meantime, the diet is shot to hell. I’ve gained 2 lbs this week. This bloody muffin is tastin’ pretty good….

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The other night Michaela and I went to see a concert. It was Sugarland/Julianne Hough/@dannygokey. Ordinarily, I wouldn’t shell out the money for this because it costs a lot of money but Michaela and I liked @dannygokey on American Idol last year and although she had an brief opportunity to have her picture taken with him when the tour made its stop in town last year, it wasn’t much of a visit. This year we had a chance to go check out his show and meet him in person. It was on Mommy/Daughter date night and later she told me it was the best date yet!

The meeting with @dannygokey was short and sweet. We had a moment to speak and I told him that there were lots of “us” (widows) who have a vested interest in him doing well. That piqued his interest and he asked why. I told him that I had lost my husband not long before he had lost his wife. I understood how doing what he did was very difficult. Let’s face it, when something like that happens you just don’t know how or if you will be able to go on living let alone pick up any of the pieces and try to realize any of the dreams you had prior to your life as you knew it stopping. Anyway, I said to him that I didn’t know how he could sing some of the songs he has on his album. They sound pretty to most people but to those who have lived through this sort of thing, the lyrics cut to the core. I still don’t know how he does it but for some reason, he told me, singing the songs and what they’re saying don’t effect him up on stage. Amazing. Try for a moment to imagine the love of your life dying and then listen to this song:[audio:iwillnotsaygoodbye.mp3]Do you think you would sing it in front of thousands of people?So, after all of this, Danny says to me “Gimme a hug.” It was quick. I was stunned. But then I got to thinking…. I haven’t hugged a man that wasn’t my father, a brother, an uncle, an in-law, etc since I lost Mike. They call it widow brain…usually it’s the forgetfulness that plagues you but you also get a case of strange thoughts, too. It’s been 2 years and Danny was the first hug? Well, sheesh!I thought some more….Some people have what is called a Bucket List. It’s a list of things to do or places to see before they die. Silly & weird me started to think, who would be on my Hug Kris Bucket List? I mean it could be anyone right and I can already mark @dannygokey off the list (although if he wants to do it again, heck if I would stop him)! So I figured what the heck…I am going to start a Hug Kris Bucket List and who knows? Maybe one day I can start crossing names off. Who’s next?Updated!! Hug Kris Bucket List:

1. Rick Springfield (Surprise! July in Denver, Rick. Be there.)
2. Hugh Jackman
3. Jeffrey Dean Morgan
4. Gerard Butler
5. Robert Downy Jr (have you seen Iron Man 2? Oh. My. Gosh.)
6. Johnny Depp
7. Antonio Banderas
8. Brad Pitt (please shave first, Brad! LOL!)
9. Harrison Ford
10. Dominic Zamprogna
11. Danny Gokey (again, @dannygokey?)
12. Patrick Dempsey
13. Eric Dane
14. Kevin McKidd (hey, it’ll be a Grey’s Anatomy hugfest!)

Who am I forgetting? Who would be on YOUR Hug Bucket List?

FINALLY!!! Seriously, folks I was thinking I was going to go ballistic if I didn’t hit this number. I surpassed it by about .2lbs but I am just going to call it an even 35 for now because as we all know and as my rantings can attest, the scale has a mind of its own! Who knows what it will say tomorrow!? But for today it said A LOT and to see that number dip just below a certain point had the semblance of sweet victory for me. And it’s just what I need to keep the momentum going and try to double my results.This week hasn’t been that great in the work out dept. I injured my upper left leg the other night. I wish I could say it was from something really cool like kicking @$$ on the dodgeball court last Saturday (which for an old gal, I guess I did) but that wasn’t it. The great injury occurred when I (wait for it…..), went to kneel on the ground so I could put together a shelf for my sister. Yup. All I did was try to get on the ground. Instead I felt a pop and I yelped with pain. It’s sore but I don’t think it’s lasting. The ol’ time o’ the month reared her ugly head (FINALLY!) the other day and then couple that with the pulled muscle, I called it a day on exercise yesterday and today. I kinda feel guilty about that. Funny how that is. But the good news is that I am chaperoning a field trip with 2nd graders today and we’re doing some walking so I will not feel THAT guilty! I’ll get my exercise in somehow and then get back on the wagon tomorrow.Real quick…dodgeball. I played for two hours last Saturday and I reaped the rewards of sore muscles for THREE DAYS afterwards. I could move and all but woo! It hurt to do so. I hadn’t played it since I was in 6th grade and man, they play it differently these days. SIX BALLS! And they are coming at you from all directions. It can get pretty violent and I must say it is an excellent way to relieve some of that pent up aggression. Who knew I had any? I would LOVE to play again this Saturday but I have a pressing family engagement that I must attend. BUT… I will be back next week. You can bank on that. Hopefully the soreness won’t happen this time!

Blogs have been few and far between lately. Not much to say, I guess. I’m watching Idol live tonight so I figured I would react to the performances as they happen. First, I am excited to see Harry Connick Jr. on the show! I think he’s super talented and he seems to be pretty stoked about helping the remaining contestants out.First up is Aaron who sings Sinatra’s Fly Me to the Moon. I actually think this is one of Aaron’s better vocals. I still don’t think he’s strong enough to win this. His voice just doesn’t seem all there. He tends to go flat periodically no matter what genre of music he’s singing. That being said, he did well. The thing is that he’s got 4 others that are super strong in the vocals AND delivery dept and that’s what he’s got to worry about.Casey is up next with Blue Skies… NO GUITAR! And he is looking a little uncomfortable which is kinda good but then again, his voice is sorta shaky. Maybe he needs to turn around so we can see his tight pants… LOL. Sorry. Well, he’s in trouble tonight. Boo! Eek! Kara said he sounded like a lamb… HA HA! I agree. That wasn’t good. Quick, Casey! Take off your shirt! Desperate times, dude…he just bought Aaron a prayer.Crystal sings Summer Wind… Eew. Huge tattoo on her back. Blech. But I digress – it’s about the singing which is good. Her voice is as always, strong and beautiful but the song?? Hmmm… kind of boring. She’ll be ok though.Michael is next with The Way You Look Tonight… LOVE this song and this genre works so well for Michael. He’s wearing the Sinatra hat… hmmm. Well, vocally this was good. I wouldn’t say that I liked his version better than any others I have heard of this song. I don’t. BUT, his was the best and most Sinatra-esque so far tonight.Lee closes the show with That’s Life… LOL…Harry is playing a “Napoleon Dynamite organ” (if you saw the movie, then you know what I mean)…that’s distracting. BUT…Lee is super cool with this performance and he’s certainly gonna be in the top 2. He slayed this and it was great.Oh my gosh…Harry Connick is so funny. He should replace Simon when he leaves.Who’s going home?? It pains me to say it but I think it’s Casey…

Yay! Thank goodness! Hallelujah! It’s about time! What other cliches can I say? Honestly, Siobhan Magnus WAS entertaining – kinda like roadkill, the curiosity as to what monstrosity she’d wear next and how many windows she’d break with her shrill singing would be enough to keep some folks tuning into this years ever dull American Idol. But like Adam Lambert from last year, while the show they put on may be interesting, would you pay for a full album of that?I don’t think so! And I haven’t thought so all season long. While her voice when not communicating with dogs in the greater Los Angeles area is pleasant, it’s not anything that I’d call super special. Although I admit that when she is singing “normal” she sounds a little like Linda Ronstadt.It was time for her to go.  I was thinking the weirdness factor may have kept her til top 3 but I am glad that most of America has agreed with me (again). Next up – Aaron…. dudes, seriously? He is praised day in and day out. It’s like they know something we don’t know. Is he emotionally unstable to take harsh criticism? He is incapable of NOT singing flat each week. I have no idea what these judges are hearing but what’s coming out of my TV speakers at home is not Idol-worthy. I hate the comparisons to David Archuleta. Simply, there is NO comparison.So, let’s revise the top 3…. looks like it could be shaping up for a Crystal, Lee and Casey top 3 that is if Michael can hang on being the survivor that he is – which is ok because he doesn’t suck. It appears that we’re heading for a Crystal vs. Lee finale and with as disappointing as this season has been there is a glimmer of hope that there is still justice in this world.