My Name is Kris and I Blah-g

Talking about Mike and his death is awkward. I usually don’ t know how to bring it up without it sounding like I am looking for sympathy. I’m not. But I also need to talk about it. Frankly, it helps. Those who know me know what a nut I was when I was younger for famous people. I wouldn’t say I was as fanatic as some people but when I liked a famous singer or actor, I really liked them. One of my favorite topics of discussion as many of you who read this know is American Idol. I’ve been into it this year more than most other years (other than Season 4 which was fabulous) because we have a local boy who is in the competition. I admit that I get caught up in the excitement of it. Besides, he’s a cute kid with loads of talent. He’s a Cinderella story of sorts and it’s fun entertainment.Well, I frequent other blogs and watch the news stories and American Idol forums to see what other folks are saying. Today is what they are calling “D-DAY”. The finals are tonight and the David Archuleta fans are all in a twitter about whether or not their guy can pull it off. One moment they are totally freaking out and the next they are very confident. I feel like Sybil when I read their posts! It’s all in great fun, though.Well, get to the point, Kris. Right? I added fuel to the Idol worship fire this morning and posted “my story” on a very famous Idol blog. Now, my story is indeed true. Nothing in it is fabricated. But it’s caused a little bit of a stir. And now folks are asking if they can re-post my comments in other places. So, it may get out there. And perhaps people may start searching (or maybe the won’t – I dunno). But in case they do and end up here, please note that I welcome you to my little blog. It’s not much but it’s me. Thanks for stopping by.Here’s what I wrote:

I’ve been reluctant to post about this because (1) I am 36. I thought I got over all of this years ago and (2) It’s deeply personal. But I had to ask myself how and why DA has touched my life. I don’t know him personally and I will likely never meet him and that doesn’t matter. I live in his neck of the woods and it’s an exciting time to be here. He is HUGE in the Salt Lake City area if not the whole state of Utah (and beyond, of course). But what was it really that drew me to him? A little back story…American Idol has been a guilty pleasure for my family. When the season started we would sit down weekly as a family to watch. How often does that happen? Parents and children gathering together for several hours a week to comeserate over a silly talent show? But that we did. It was family time – all of us, the young and old had a say and we enjoyed every minute of it. In January of this year just before the start of the season, my husband of 10 years passed way unexpectedly. American Idol was HIS show. He would start counting down weeks ahead of the season opener. He would be so excited for it to start. In his honor, my 5 year old daughter (Michaela) and I decided that we’d carry on our tradition of watching the show. My mother and sister joined our weekly viewings and it’s been a bitter sweet season. There has been a lot of fun and laughter. But for me, personally it’s been a difficult pill to swallow. Mike would be loving this year. I wonder who would be his favorite. It’s hard for me to figure because Mike’s taste in music was broad. He was a walking encyclopedia of music. I LIVED for it. At his funeral I actually got a DJ from a local radio station to give his eulogy. We knew the DJ well and Mike was very fond of him. I told the DJ that short of Casey Kasem giving the eulogy he was the next best thing. Mike loved music. The only music that Mike was NOT fond of was opera. He really hated opera. I am not a huge fan either but I LOVE LOVE LOVE Phantom of the Opera and he knew that. He put up with me and my daughter singing the music even though he despised it. When Andrew Lloyd Webber night came I was pretty excited and I hoped that DA would sing something from Phantom, particularly “All I Ask of You” because it is my favorite song from the show – a beautiful love song. But DA didn’t sing it. Instead he chose a rather obscure song from the show. The song is obscure because it’s not what I call a BIG number although it is beautiful. It’s the song that introduces us to Christine’s voice but it’s nothing that spectacular and I never once listend to the words. When David sang it I was pleasantly surprised. He changed the arrangement and in my opinion made it relevant. It could be played on the radio today. It was that good. But again, I paid no attention to the words. By now I was pretty much a DA backer. I downloaded DA’s performances to my iPod. One afternoon while driving around I was listening to the music and “Think of Me” came on. I was alone and for the first time I heard the words.———————–Think of methink of me fondly, whenwe’ve said goodbyeremember meonce in a while, pleasepromise me you’ll tryWhen you find,that once again you longto take your heart back,and be freeif you ever find a moment,spare a thought for meWe never saidour love was evergreenor as unchanging as the sea…but if you can still remember,stop and think of meThink of all the thingswe’ve shared and seen,don’t think about the thingswhich might have beenThink of methink of me waking, silentand resigned…imagine me, trying too hard toput you from my mind…Recall those days,look back on all those times,think of the thingswe’ll never do…there will never be a day whenI won’t think of youWe never saidour love was evergreenor as unchanging as the sea…but please promise me,that sometimesyou will think of me—————————David’s voice was singing but those words were coming from my husband. The past 4.5 months haven’t been easy. When something like this happens you question everything – your faith, what you’ve done and if there was anything that you could have said or done to make things different. I don’t claim to have the answers now in light of DA’s performances. I wouldn’t even say that he’s “changed my life”. It’s a bit melodramatic, I think. But I will say that he’s touched me. His pure voice, his humility and genuine ability to be in touch with his spiritual side, especially at such a young age is inspiring. His rendition of “Think of Me” brought me comfort and for that I am thankful. Learn more about my hubby: http://www.myspace.com/michaelfluck

I blog therefore I know it all. Right? EH! Wrong! I read with interest other blogs and wonder what it is about these people that draw others to read what they have to say. I can only answer for myself. What draws me to these other blogs? Is it because I value their opinions? Is it because what they talk about is provocative or new? Or is it the morbid curiousity that draws me to people who talk out of both sides of their face and sound like complete idiots? Probably the latter. I don’t claim to be an expert about anything. I find that as time goes one, I really know a whole lot about nothing. What I thought I knew, I don’t. What I thought I couldn’t handle, I can and what I wish for is usually not what I want. How’s that for deep? I just watched a video segment from MTV. It featured some “top bloggers” who shared their opinions about this year’s American Idol. They shared their views about what is wrong with the show, who is the most talented and who they think deserves to win. I found of the four featured, 3 were very outspoken. They couldn’t stop talking as if what they had to say really mattered. Jason Castro’s Halleluja wasn’t that great, folks. What are you talking about?? He was clearly in over his head and had been wanting out for weeks. The 4th person on the panel hardly said a word. He blogged about going to participate in this round table discussion and he said he was really nervous. I can see why. He was amongst blogging greatness, no? I dunno. His lack of fortitude in standing up for this show that has made his blog one of THE most visited blogs on the internet was disappointing. He admits that he was a nervous wreck and he concedes that he wishes he had said more. And I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt in that who could get a word in edge wise with such big egos at the table? It’s funny how people will hang on their every word. What makes them so special?